strange, how quickly the weather changes. the impact of subtle drifts. the sun will come back soon. soon. i will have to manage till then.

my precarious efforts to shelter my heart have torn me asunder. merely a shadow of myself these days. gone back to my old habits - cuz darlin, it seems easier than the alternative. yet at times i wonder how much this vessel can take. where is the breaking point. my tolerance exceedingly high, yet let us not tempt fate. i've toyed with it before.

what i cannot bare to feel, wreaks it's silent revenge in a mutiny against my body. the ache does not disipate when i push it aside. instead it is manifested in my disregard. in each vapid smile. in each half hearted attempt at sustenance. in the frenetic madness of playing the part. shhhhh.....

yet a gnawing taunt..."it's not really THAT bad." denying myself. denying the truth. because i'm strong enough. because it is expected of me. because there is no other choice.

strong enough. ha. i keep my secrets. i have my mechanisms. i am not nearly as impressed.

---

Last Five
treasure - Thursday, Sept. 06, 2006
need - Sunday, May. 22, 2005
where is here - Friday, May. 13, 2005
save me. - Monday, May. 09, 2005
nonsense - Sunday, May. 01, 2005

ALL