after leaving the office, having a chat with an old friend, and a good deal of sugary substances i've come up with a battle plan of sorts. well, not so much a battle plan, more like a vague outline.

there are several things in my life right now that cause me exceeding amounts of grief. namely, being away from my baby boy for so long. i've done the stiff upper lip act and, "oh yes, it's difficult but i do my best given the circumstances." that shit isn't going to cut it much longer. there is a deep sadness within me that grows and festers each passing day i am childless. this needs to change.

i am also not particularly jazzed with my current work situation. i feel as though my brain atrophies with each phone call, each copy made, each letter written, ad nauseum.

solution: ?

well, haven't gotten that far yet...but...the wheels are turning in a positive direction.

i want to be with my child full time. this three months on three off is literally sapping all my mental and emotional energy - which at times is fairly fragile to begin with. continuing in this pattern will only lead to me losing my mind in a very real way. not to mention, poor baby boy needs to have his mommy and daddy on the same continent. shit, not to mention saving a grand every 3 months on plane tickets. ouch.

and, i want to write. and i want to be paid for it in some capacity. whether that means publishing a short book of poetry or writing articles for women's magazines (oh dear gad no). but in some way, shape, or form, i need to be writing. writing is one of my few passions. writing keeps me balanced. i love words. i read the dictionary. i'm a freakin nerd.

and then there's this whole modeling hoopla. sure, let's see where it leads and if i can make a few bucks from it. and apparently i have a "presence" that lends itself well to acting, even though it's nothing i've seriously persued before. ha ha, unless you count the productions my cousin and i would put on over the summers...full scenes from Les Miserables and Miss Saigon. Oh yes, I can sing. And I don't have this drama bug for nuthin. It's in my blood. my great grandparents were in vaudeville for chrissakes! i had a great uncle or someone in films in the early 30's.

so the blueprint is starting to fill in. the how and when has yet to follow. based on my past history of manifesting my desires i don't see why all of this can't happen in a very big way.

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Last Five
treasure - Thursday, Sept. 06, 2006
need - Sunday, May. 22, 2005
where is here - Friday, May. 13, 2005
save me. - Monday, May. 09, 2005
nonsense - Sunday, May. 01, 2005

ALL