I found my new place. Yup yup...it should help calm the madness - once I'm finally in that is. July 1st. Gather the troops. Okay folks, it's time to move again. Yup, there are stairs...AGAIN. I promise not to move for awhile! (hey, isn't that what she said last time?)

Still considering England as an option for next year.

I am so burnt on the whole, single "acting my age" bit. Doing what those in their twenties do. Socialize on a massive scale. Everyone with their "look", their outward, superficial persona. The smidge of personality that comes through in 3 minute "conversations" yelled over woozy drinks in terribly lit venues. The pomp of throw back fashions and the illusory mecca of loud music.

I am too old for this. I spend 800 a month on montessori preschool for crissakes! how many others can say the same? my gorgeous child is vacationing in freaking italy with my infantile ex husband; dear god, he'll be 38 next year...why does that make me feel old?

there is more here than meets the eye.

i will be so pleased to be in my own place again. i can go back to what i was doing before all this upheaval crashed my party. spend time with the friends and family that i actually give a fuck about. read a book, or six, all the way through, paint like the madwoman i am, write and write and write some more. balance - a fickle state, will not elude me much longer.

i am weary of being this "face", this "girl", this flesh commodity. i want to laugh at their ignorance of me. oh but she's soooooo pretty. what a lovely creature. and you think this face is for you? that i will so quickly fall?

it's 3pm and i need to eat breakfast, SP takes it from here:

So, so, Herr Doktor.

So, Herr Enemy.

I am your opus,

I am your valuable,

The pure gold baby

That melts to a shriek.

I turn and burn.

Do not think I underestimate your great concern.

Ash, ash ---

You poke and stir.

Flesh, bone, there is nothing there----

A cake of soap,

A wedding ring,

A gold filling.

Herr God, Herr Lucifer

Beware

Beware.

Out of the ash

I rise with my red hair

And I eat men like air.

---

Last Five
treasure - Thursday, Sept. 06, 2006
need - Sunday, May. 22, 2005
where is here - Friday, May. 13, 2005
save me. - Monday, May. 09, 2005
nonsense - Sunday, May. 01, 2005

ALL