some people say i am compulsive, or that i have an addictive personality, or have OCD. i will be the first one to agree with that. but in an effort to find positives in myself, rather than negatives, we are going to rename it persistance. you could also say i am very focused. i am feeling very persisitant right now. i'm not getting upset over that persistance. nope, not me. i will just have to do something else for a little while until the urge to call compulsively until someone picks up the phone subsides.

it really is such a strange thing, this. because the reason i need to call isn't really that important. the important part is that the person pick up the phone. and if we take that further, honestly, it's a compulsion to know that that person is there. but logical thought processes can confirm that the person is indeed there but not inclined to answer the phone. i do this with my mom too. i know she's home but just not answering the phone because she can't hear it, or is asleep, or doesn't feel like it. and i swear, i keep calling until she picks up. either that or i get tired or distracted and realize, oh, i can call back later. yes she's there, no she hasn't run off. i have an overactive imagination as well. okay, let's rename that vivid imagination. but at times it gets away with me. not neccesarily at the moment. but generally.

so someone might say, hhmm, don't you like have a job or some work to do or something? uh, well, yes i suppose i do. but it's not nearly as interesting as the strange innerworkings of my brain. if i can understand it, then i can work with it rather than against it. a strange thing to think, working against one's brain - working against one's self.

okay, well, i think i have wasted enough time on this silly post. back to the phone! just kidding, um, work?! contemplating my navel? well, usually i'd sit around and belabor the point that i suck because x, y, and z. but not today. i have better things to do.

---

Last Five
treasure - Thursday, Sept. 06, 2006
need - Sunday, May. 22, 2005
where is here - Friday, May. 13, 2005
save me. - Monday, May. 09, 2005
nonsense - Sunday, May. 01, 2005

ALL