so i haven't actually signed anything with JE yet. and they don't make you sign a 2 year exclusivity contract like City. instead it's a 90 day thing, basically to cover their asses. if they put all this work into me and then i decide to go with someone else i have to wait 90 days and then give them 90 days notice on top of it? i dunno for sure. the not actually seeing anything spelled out on paper has made me a bit apprehensive. so is the idea of having to put out my own money for a photographer, wheras at City they front the expense and i would work it off.

yes, so JE does have a certain energy to it, and that is attractive. they want to use baby boy to. i dunno about that.

i'm also a bit leary because i'll have to completely rearrange things at work. hire on someone to cover while i'm gone if necessary. H. hasn't been all to pleased with me lately as it is. but i suppose some manipulationin the form of pity and tears, etc. might sway him.

i guess i'm just a bit resistant to the idea of things changing. (again) although i have been a bit out of my mind with boredom. but even though i'm bored things are "safe". it would definatley be a risk or leap of faith (depending how you look at it) to pursue this further.

the truth is i DON'T want to sit in the same office for the next ten years. and given my lack of other prospects this does seem to be the one area that i could grow into. there may be other opportunites in the industry beyond modeling. yet there is still the one factor that remains, that of making enough money to live off of. one would think with the amount of money i make at the office that things would be easy as pie. the whole child factor greatly decreases the amount of disposable income i'm left with. namely none. and i seemed to be stressed out lately as it is. do i need to be taking even more on to add to things? or perhaps my malaise lately has stemmed from not doing enough. not feeling like i'm going anywhere, and a change will do me good.

well, i still have some time to think about it. JE is having a party at 181 the week atfter the boy goes back to england. i invited warren to go with me. the moral support will be good. and i think the networking will be good for both of us. plus it's the same place we did the mamasan gig.

and the first saturday of may (the weekend i WAS going to go to coachella) i'm supposed to shoot with a photographer named Dart. I met with him and he was cool. most of his book was men though, a possible concern to bring up with Phillip. I was going to blow about 500 bucks on coachella hat weekend, putting it into something that will bring me returns seems a better idea. although i had come to the conclusion prior to yesterday to just let that money sit in the bank.

i think i only want to deal with Phillip from now on. he is sweet in a not icky way. black, has freckles, and seems to be a bit more proffessional. eddie, who i dealt with yesterday, pitched things like he was selling me a used car. and he kept oozing sexual innuendos while at the same time saying he's married and has a 1 month old at home. SLEAZY, is the main word that comes to mind. phillip is going to be my contact from now on. i'm not calling eddie for anything. unless i want a sleazy fuck. ha ha.

oh the decisions!

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Last Five
treasure - Thursday, Sept. 06, 2006
need - Sunday, May. 22, 2005
where is here - Friday, May. 13, 2005
save me. - Monday, May. 09, 2005
nonsense - Sunday, May. 01, 2005

ALL