it has further come to my attention that i have unusually high standards when it comes to men. which i think is just the result of my experience with the "wrong" type too many times. and having gorgeous friends like tim. surrounding myself with above average specimens, i find myself with above average expectations of even the most casual aquaintence.

what is my point here? lunch guy took a bit to warm up to. not that he was an ogre or anything, quite the contrary. but i am apt to pick out the slightest flaw. especially when i am skeptical and reluctant to the notion of new people as it is.

nice enough, i suppose. someone to go see a band with, if anything. he seemed a bit of a recluse which aligns nicely with my recent bout of antisocialism.

meh. i think hot UPS guy is coming by the office today. i suppose it wouldn't hurt to be a little more...open. although i'm ashamed to say i can't quite remember what his name is. that's bad.

all in all, things have improved since my haircut. i must reiterate, that a good haircut is the best thing for a girls disposition. i have found myself more aware of my appearance and general effect on those around me. rather than tumbling through the day with tunnel vision, i've aquainted myself with the notion that there is a world of life teeming around me. and possibly, just possibly, i can involve myself in it.

mommy time really reaks havoc on my self-esteem. constantly running around tired and on alert.

i can see great things emerging for the next session of "off" mamma time.

the thing is though, i'm afraid of being more open and friendly. cuz when that happens, and god forbid, i make eye contact with a stranger and maybe, oh, smile, rather than avert my gaze and scowl, things happen. people, men, talk to me, notice me, hit on me. and since i can remember, i've always been a bit wary about the whole thing. oh, maybe because it started happening when i was seven. yes, my dear, seven.

but i'm not seven anymore, or even fourteen for that matter. i'm strong enough to kick a guys ass if he says or does anything not so kosher. and further more, a simple nasty quip about height, social status, or money, can put a guy in his place faster than a swift kick to the groin. not to mention the lovely gaze of death i can invoke when needed. the look that freezes a persons blood and gives them the knowledge that, yes, i could kill them if i wanted, with nothing more than my stare. so let's just say i'm fairly well armed.

but one would think that such precautions would be unnecessary. i am here to tell you they are not.

there is far too much to delve into here, and it won't be done any further at 7 am or whatever it is. dear me, it is nearly 8 and i am late. more later.

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Last Five
treasure - Thursday, Sept. 06, 2006
need - Sunday, May. 22, 2005
where is here - Friday, May. 13, 2005
save me. - Monday, May. 09, 2005
nonsense - Sunday, May. 01, 2005

ALL