oh how easy it is for you. and you want me to see things from your shoes? the self indulgence? the success? the busy schedule...doing what you love? i'm sorry, but what exactly is there for me to get? so maybe you have to deal with my occasional outbursts. well darling, that is simply the price you have to pay for tearing my heart from me.

i don't know what to think. i want to hate you. i want to discredit every memory i have of you. i want to demonize you. you never loved me. you never loved my son. it was just another one of your larks, and then you got tired of it and moved onto the next thing. your selfishness had caused me days and weeks of unimaginable pain. you will never know. you will never feel this. you are always, conveniently the one to make the decision to move on. FUCK YOU. you do not do this to me!! how dare you. how dare you. after all that has gone on. you broke your promises. you lied. you are an imposter. you took my family from me. you put on a good show.

and these are not just the rantings of a "woman scorned". fuck that. this is the truth as it is. as anyone can see it. YOU fucked up and gave up the one good thing in your life so you could be independent and free and fuck whoever you want. wow, great fucking exchange for the love of your life. you are a heartless asshole. a gutless man without any thought for the pain you cause others. i was and am the best thing for you and you are a fool to not see that. a damn, arrogant fool.

even if i do need this time to grow on my own...you did not need to take my one last sliver of hope. that is cruel and don't try to defend it by saying it is in my best interest. it is in YOUR best interest. as always, serving your best interest.

one day the picture as it is will become clear to you. you will see it as i see it, how others see it, and not in the convenient way you have created to save yourself any guilt or pain. one day you will awaken to the biggest mistake of your life. and I will not be so eager to meet you halfway. i will not be available once YOU think it's time.

you are losing me for good with this. because the longer i think on it, the more my ire grows. the more i despise you for YOUR decision. no, it was not ours, it was yours, unilaterally. breaking up with me. you do not love me and i am beginning to doubt everything.

so have fucking fun tiddling around in your world. your fleeting world of material things and your never ending quest for stardom. your ability to fuck whoever you please. good fucking luck. you will find emptiness in it without me. it will be bittersweet without me besied you to share it. and you will see. you will learn as you go on that the only thing true in this life is love and family. we had it all. and you tossed it aside like so much inconvenient offal. congratulations. wonderful choice.

you owe me more than this.

---

Last Five
treasure - Thursday, Sept. 06, 2006
need - Sunday, May. 22, 2005
where is here - Friday, May. 13, 2005
save me. - Monday, May. 09, 2005
nonsense - Sunday, May. 01, 2005

ALL