there are times, such as these, when i wish to christ, screaming, begging, that i did not have the knowledge that i do now. my innocence lost. to erase it from my memory. that one sentence. my stomach turns and churns. i'm going to be sick. i don't know where i am or where i'm going. i have still to go to sleep tonight. i have nothing to worry about. nothing has been confirmed. i am so scared right now. actually, hysterical would be a more precise description. fucking hell. holy fucking hell. my head is going to explode. it is by sheer force of will that i'm able to write rather than claw at my skin. just when i thought the plot of my life couldn't get any more surreal and devestating. SMACK. a fist thrown, crumpling a face instantly. thank you to the universe for an endless supply of inspiration for literary fodder. i have never in all my years of reading come across such a fucked up, twisted, heart wrenching plot twist. yes, but all these things, as i've found, never end in tragedy. shakespeare ends in tragedy. in my life, fucked up circumstances are challenges to rise above. and with each one i make the best of it i can. nothing is ever that bad. and if it ever gets to that point, there's always retreat.

fuck you. i'm not selling my soul for you. fuck you it's not my problem. too bad i want to cut my heart out. this pain is too much to bear.

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Last Five
treasure - Thursday, Sept. 06, 2006
need - Sunday, May. 22, 2005
where is here - Friday, May. 13, 2005
save me. - Monday, May. 09, 2005
nonsense - Sunday, May. 01, 2005

ALL