sludge
Current mood: sleepy

this week, so far, though it hasn't completely sucked, has left me with a generally icky vibe. sunday night everyone was off. personalities and stresses bounced off each other like electrical fire. you couldn't breathe the air without feeling as if you'd offend someone somehow in some inane way.

monday morning i woke to a text message informing me of the health of a coworker's sex organs with a directive to offer support and spread the word to her sexual partners. boy genius, the humiliated girl's ex-boyfriend, was keen enough to call from an unblocked number. at the wee hour of 10 am i called the child up and bitched him out for his indecent immaturity, cursing him to a life barren of love and companionship, wishing thugs to beat him to mangled shit. "duh duhh a duhh," boy wonder stammered before hanging up. two hours later my phone makes the noise of a new voicemail. little prick, confusing his pronouns, threw his best at me, "well, I hear that you're pretty lucky in the whole love area...like you really like guys, um, the guys, lucky." and other zingers of equally stellar aptitude. apparently he was well informed by girly girl as to how she perceived my strengths and weaknesses. i listened to a fraction of the lengthy message before i deleted his stammering malfeasance.

and how sweet she is too.

princess claiming her life is in utter shambles because her apartment is barely a studio and oh my god, she's not paying only four hundred dollars for rent anymore. and boo fucking hoo she broke up with her dipshit boyfriend who she loved SO much and dumped because he grew weed. gasp! no, not the deadly mari-ja-uana stuff! egads, in berkeley that's punishable by death and just plain wrong. ahem, right. i empathize with her minute made reality. poor thing doesn't know her ass from her elbow. poor thing is SO dramatic. go take some fucking paxil and shut the fuck up. jeezus! little girl can run back to mommy and daddy any time. go back honey, this world will eat you up.

cry me a fucking river.

it could be perceived my world is "falling apart" based on the last month. sure. but it's not. the "chaos" of change has its own balance and its own time. i don't rush it. i've been in chaos much of my life, to the point i'm no longer afraid of it.
a natural force, i've observed it's patterns and timing. found in it lessons and meaning. so i float along. knowing that the pendulum swings the other way. knowing the futility if i were to fight against it. the waste of time bitching and self pity are. yes, i could be a bit more compassionate to my fellow woman. and i could also save my compassion for more deserving causes. after assessing the situation i've decided a sniveling child who wastes my time and friendly ear with her whining, while talking shit about me to her clueless compadre is not deserving. ultimately, i care not. i've not engaged any further.

all this to say, this week has left an icky coating i'm shaking off, the sludge sticking a bit.

wash it away. this week i count wednesday to wednesday.

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Last Five
treasure - Thursday, Sept. 06, 2006
need - Sunday, May. 22, 2005
where is here - Friday, May. 13, 2005
save me. - Monday, May. 09, 2005
nonsense - Sunday, May. 01, 2005

ALL