things are starting to blur. my clarity has been attacked by apprehension and busyness. i must maintain. here there everywhere. to do. to do. be happy though you have considered all the facts. trying. trying. work work work work. keep it together. busying. photo shoots, fashion show, opening party for Muse Models. don't do it if it doesn't make you happy. it does and it doesn't. it does because if i didn't i'd have nothing but empty time to dwell in the muck. but the business is a bandaid. smiles everybody, smiles. i really am okay. i am i am i am i am. lather rinse repeat. do we need this. do i need this. who the hell is we? my oh my let the distractions take me so i don't have to think of the work ahead. of the time it will take to get someone to notice. its not worth my time. i don't need to by clinging to someone who has no need for me except when it is at their convenience. i have never known someone so self centered and focused soley on what they want. confidence and belief in one's dreams is admirable. pursuing them at all costs while using up people and casting them away is not. i am much more careful now with the power i wield. unfortunate that some people cannot see beyond themselves. he will always think he is right and knows best because he cannot see beyond his ego.

i'm listening to christopher's favorite song. fiona apples singing the beatle's "accross the universe". he would love to sing..."nothings going to change my room". jai guru deva om. oh my sweet child how i miss you. better you are there while i deal with this mess.

block it out. block it out. head down marching forward. the only way to go. no time for ridiculous sentiments and lost loves. i have no love. it is apparent that it no longer exists.

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Last Five
treasure - Thursday, Sept. 06, 2006
need - Sunday, May. 22, 2005
where is here - Friday, May. 13, 2005
save me. - Monday, May. 09, 2005
nonsense - Sunday, May. 01, 2005

ALL