okay, i must admit. i've been looking at personals online. can i tell you how lame this feels?! ugghhh. but moving on right? might find the man of my dreams, or hopefully at least a good lay. this is what i'm supposed to be doing. this is part of the prescription for getting over a broken heart. yes, i repeat, a broken heart. i'm not being a baby about it, it's really fucking broken. and there should be no time limit on that! so here i am, reluctantly whoring myself out via the internet. wow, how much fun is that?!

i am going to get very drunk tonight, very drunk indeed.

this sucks and i want to cry. because i don't want to meet new men. 95% of them are losers, sleazebags or complete gnomes. so that leaves maybe 5% that I may or may not be compatable with. so there will inevitably a lot of sifting through the lame asses.

matt must just be loving this...finally! i'll be able to rid myself of psycho-joy. maybe normal-joy will come back.

i hope he knows how fucked up this is. i hope he knows how degraded i feel. there is no way i cannot take a breakup personally. and anyone who thinks that a person can is fucking deluded. "just get over it". um yeah...let me just cut that portion of my heart out. i literally sometimes feel like i need to do that. take a knife and stab it into my chest. and then the emotional pain can be transmuted into physical pain and somehow... yeah, never mind, that doesn't make any sense at all.

okay, try to be positive, this can't be too bad. i still feel sickly degraded. "yeah, sorry, my bf dumped me, so now i'm just trying to get laid...still too fucked up for a relationship though...dont' neccesarily want a strangers penis poking around in me anyway...but the ex thought it would be a good idea". sounds great, doesn't it?

HELLO?!!!

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Last Five
treasure - Thursday, Sept. 06, 2006
need - Sunday, May. 22, 2005
where is here - Friday, May. 13, 2005
save me. - Monday, May. 09, 2005
nonsense - Sunday, May. 01, 2005

ALL