and yet i still cannot help but think of Matteo. how his day is going, is he tired, is he too hot? can he breathe and work without stressing out? is he lonely? is he enjoying his endeavors? does he have clean laundry?

i get little to no feedback about how he is. it's usually just me crying about something. i feel bad about that. i want to be able to help him and give back in some way. i want to change the dynamic so it is not such a one way street. it seems though, he doesn't want it. but christ, what do i know, i have nothing much to work from! it's like trying to read tea leaves. and do i have anything to offer him? my friendship, if he will have it.

it's like, when i was wrapped up in my sadness i couldn't see beyond it. and now that i have more of a perspective i'm seeing the bigger picture. i am so sorry for the pain i caused. and i want to move beyond it and make things right. get back to the happy and crazy friendship that we had. and now that i can see beyond myself i think of him in a new way. caring. wondering. are you okay? did i hurt you so? do you sleep at night? and do you ever write, or think of me during the day...

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Last Five
treasure - Thursday, Sept. 06, 2006
need - Sunday, May. 22, 2005
where is here - Friday, May. 13, 2005
save me. - Monday, May. 09, 2005
nonsense - Sunday, May. 01, 2005

ALL