the boy is downstairs screaming his head off. he's been going at it for almost a half hour now. first it was because he couldn't have a muffin for dinner, then it was because I said we couldn't eat upstairs, then, when he was about to eat the noodles, he screamed because they had gotten cold. now i've told him i'm not coming back down until he stops crying. he's screaming and throwing himself at the bottom of the stairs. now he's coming upstairs. i cannot stand this. i am tired. the house is empty but for his screams bouncing off the tinny walls. he's come upstairs now and is saying, "mommy come downstairs, i want to be your best friend." at least now he will eat his food.

now...

we are a right pair, shuffling up the stairs in our too long pajama bottoms. flop flop. carry me. this ancient hows full of death. dried flowers, peeling strawberry wallpaper, decaying vegetables. the mistress of the house a haggard shell of a woman, wizened by her frigid demeanor. screaming children, both boys, the frantic energy of nascent unformed men.

and me, with my books and paper. happy to sit back and admire it in all it's minutae. day to day it keeps me. it is my momentary existance. sooner to toil here, sooner to leave me. passing. unimportant. a backdrop to my main objective. that of finding smiles within. finding them and holding tight. raising my son right.

---

Last Five
treasure - Thursday, Sept. 06, 2006
need - Sunday, May. 22, 2005
where is here - Friday, May. 13, 2005
save me. - Monday, May. 09, 2005
nonsense - Sunday, May. 01, 2005

ALL