continuing on my train of thought from earlier... (i had to leave work before any one could throw anything else at me to do.)

i figure that it will be 1 1/2 years at the earliest that the boy will need to be in school full time. either sept. 2005 or 2006, depending on how ready he is to start kindergarden. so max, 2 1/2 years. i'm sure something/somebody will materialize between now and then.

but shit, i just don't know if i would be able to handle him full time year round by myself, while having to work full time as well. that sounds pretty close to what my idea of hell is. chronically going around in a frazzled, grumpy haze, overworked and perpetually tired. and then the other option is what...? have him go to school full time with his dad in england?

it's ridiculous that i have to think about this shit, but it is neccessary. it's planning ahead. i don't want to suddenly wake up and realize, oh shit this is my life. at least if i have a close approximation of what the possible options are, i can have a clearer idea of what it is i need to accomplish between now and then.

i'll just have to find someone else, since M. doesn't seem man enough at the moment to step up to the plate for someone he's professed to love. oh wait, we're trying not to think about him.

at any rate, i'm smarter now and won't settle for the first chump who comes along. i'm not exactly as desperate as i was when i was nineteen. i'm a great deal more discerning now. almost to a fault. but odds are that i won't stay single for long, even with my high standards.

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Last Five
treasure - Thursday, Sept. 06, 2006
need - Sunday, May. 22, 2005
where is here - Friday, May. 13, 2005
save me. - Monday, May. 09, 2005
nonsense - Sunday, May. 01, 2005

ALL