if there is one place i can vent it should be here. vent, whine, mope, etc. etc.

happy face!! happy face!! oh golly gee damn. what to do when feeling blue. when my heart is still tied up around...a dream that is not. and i'm seeing it all play out in front of me. except i'm not a part of it in the way i once was. kicked out of the clubhouse. what the fuck. get beyond this!!! i want my house back. i want my family back. but it was never mine really. i got to borrow it for a time. i got to take a peek into that sunshine. try it on. it is not my life to build. tho you said it was ours. tho for a time it seemed that it was. for a time there was talk of building a future. together. and then not. and then much crying. and then much loss. and each time the wound is cut new. and i patch it up. patch it up.

so here i am. figuring out MY life. woke up from the delusion of the other. because what is best for the one must be best for the other. and if not. who fucking cares. about my loss. my desires. my dreams. apparently not you. ahh, but how selfish of me to say. only thinking of myself. when i should think of others. your happiness. it is what you put first. but this is not fair. in truth, as you know, i will be fine.

and in reality this is the best for both. head down, carry on forward. live my life. build my castle. and things will change with time. the ache will lessen. and maybe there will come a day when you want me back and i won't be bothered to pick up the phone.

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Last Five
treasure - Thursday, Sept. 06, 2006
need - Sunday, May. 22, 2005
where is here - Friday, May. 13, 2005
save me. - Monday, May. 09, 2005
nonsense - Sunday, May. 01, 2005

ALL