i think i was disappointed that there was not more in my email this morning.

it is foggy out, a nice change from the heat.

today is friday and corina, erica, and i will go out. this should be interesting. i'll bring my cards so i can easily pass around my number. i'm trying not to feel sick about this. be brave!! be nice, but not too nice. be discerning, but not too stuck up.

fuck it, i'm just gonna get drunk and roll with it. erica will be driving and the girls will make sure i don't get into too much trouble.

by the end of the night i'll have three men who think they are in love with me. yes, i will be that charming. and then i'll juggle the three of them around. play them like miniature violins. for weeks i could string them along. maybe for even longer. and then, snip! just when things seem to be going well...end it. oh darlings, i need my space, don't take it so personally. isn't that a lovely scenario.

or how about this one... i'll go out with the girls, get substantially drunk. meet one wonderful man. he calls the next day. and the day after. he pursues me relentlessly. he has to have me. he thinks he loves me. he meets my son. he loves him. he loves the idea of us. and so on.

then there is the dream scenario, the one that fucks with your head cuz you know you are dreaming... i go out with the girls...and i meet this guy named matt...and it seems like i know him but i haven't met him before...and we meet again...and the play goes differently this time. in one ending i dump him and he's heartbroken and lives a dark and lonely life. in another we do things right and live happily ever after.

i think i want to go with the second scenario where i meet a man and he's absolutely crazy about me. and me him. and i get to stop thinking about this joker named matt. because i'm happy and have found someone else. and matt is sad, boohoo, because he gambled and lost.

out of all of these the most realistic is this one: i go out with the girls, get exceedingly drunk, fuck a guy in the bathroom and call it a night.

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Last Five
treasure - Thursday, Sept. 06, 2006
need - Sunday, May. 22, 2005
where is here - Friday, May. 13, 2005
save me. - Monday, May. 09, 2005
nonsense - Sunday, May. 01, 2005

ALL