nothing you say means anything to me. today. toady i am out of sorts. i hate sugar. it is evil evil evil and i wish i had better things on my mind than this. it should not matter. yet it does. i was beyond this. yet this old saboteur is hard to kill. something that cannot completely be exterminated. something that will walk with me to the end of my days. sometimes stalking from miles behind. and other times, right at my back, breathing down my neck. you will conform... i haven't the energy or desire to psychoanalyze this. that is nonsense. that is crazymaking. and i am not ready for it. i keep thinking back to when it all began. nearly ten years ago now. ten years of my life within the clutches of this evil. but as i told Co...we have a choice. ha, so easy for me to have said when i was on the other side of it. when i was not in the behaviors. yet stupidly i welcomed them back likes old friends. tried them on for just a minute to see if they still fit... And it just takes that instant. Just that one small look back. gotcha.

because i want it. because it's a means to an end. a goal. a number. bullshit.

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Last Five
treasure - Thursday, Sept. 06, 2006
need - Sunday, May. 22, 2005
where is here - Friday, May. 13, 2005
save me. - Monday, May. 09, 2005
nonsense - Sunday, May. 01, 2005

ALL