Contributed by WJ Neatby, received April 6, 1999

Dearest, Messy J

That's a billion and TWO questions I have, actually.

But you ain't ever going to get them. On to matters previous.
Sorry I sent that last Email. I was just looking for an original way of saying "write back!"
I've got to tell you, I have absolute faith in your ability to handle yourself in the end. I have absolute sympathy too, but when it comes down to it, there are always escape tactics - I'm sure you and I both know them well. I'm employing them now, as I have been for the last seven months. Different for each person, but we all have them. It's that infallible aspect of nature again: the trip switches, the safety mechanisms.

LITTLE HOLES

One bar higher.
My, much lighter, much
Less of a choice
Than I expected.
Lift me, waking
To you; morning came.
The last shape of sadness I'd have expected.

Like on a screen, did you know -
I wouldn't believe my crow
Would leave her peace; I left
My little hole.
I cut my hair, and I ran;
Could they bear that? Hold out hands
To catch my past; oh, yes:
Those little holes.

So there are no mirrors in Avalon;
Only a transplant, Emmeke.
Well, even the sun dial's shadow is wrong -
And so you left me here.
Only the moon shines on the clock.
Only the dead letters were intended.
And the difference between the Hard Place and...me?
Uneroded, I will not end this.

My path higher:
How the atmosphere
Lessens the choice
That I expected.

My Tiger Feet...
My bedroom of green;
Those last remains
Of Greatest Sadness...

I cut my love, and I ran:
Could she bear that? Held her hands
Drive out my past; Love...such
Little fingers.

So there are no mirrors in Avalon;
Only a transplant, Emmeke.
Well, even the sun dial's shadow is wrong -
And so you left me here.
Only the moon shines on the clock.
Only the dead letters were intended.
And the difference between the Hard Place and...me?
Uneroded, I will not end this.

(So show me a mirror, I'll show you a song;
Show me a mirror, I'll throw it, and long
For another - one other to break.
In months, I have years of the richest goals,
In love with the comfort, adoring days to days...
In need of an Avalon? In need of little holes.)

Woo! On the spot song. How very crap.
Today I bought "From the Choirgirl Hotel" by Tori. At the moment it just feels like wallpaper music. I have also just watched Good Will Hunting for the first time, and am therefore emotionally highly strung!!

Write me with reasons and stuff today, okay?
(And yes, I was worried that you weren't writing...and yes, I was disturbed when it turned out I was right.)

Love,
R

---

Last Five
treasure - Thursday, Sept. 06, 2006
need - Sunday, May. 22, 2005
where is here - Friday, May. 13, 2005
save me. - Monday, May. 09, 2005
nonsense - Sunday, May. 01, 2005

ALL