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Friday, May. 13, 2005 | 9:31 pm where is here
there's the truth...and then there are the lies behind it. i only seem to have half of my story straight, half the answer. i don't have enough bandwith. or maybe i just want to be alone. maybe it's all the same. there isn't space in my life for that now. it's too much, that drama. that guilt. none of it is healthy. it never was. and now on the way out will i have to endure even more"...look at all i've done for you, all i've given". somehow it doesn't mean as much, nothing at all, with that line introduced. um yeah, if i knew guilt was part of the gift i'd have said no thanks. that love is not selfless. that is not love. "oh you drain me so..." the chorus sings. let's break that mold. i'm not falling into it again. i don't need to be saved. i'll make my big girl decisions and make them on my own. and own them. as i have done but somehow have forgotten, misplaced the recollection that i made my existance. for good or bad. none of my ponderings are complete thoughts these days. i get halfway there and fall off. tune out. i don't want to know. and i do. but to make that leap. start now. you do not need me.
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